Deficit-Love: Junior Varsity Love 101

Wanna get juicy? Let’s talk about love. On an offsite this week, I was introduced to the work of Scott Barry Kaufmann by a business coach and advisor named Lea. While I knew (or assumed) there are various kinds of love and ultimately many effective (and ineffective) relationship structures, what I learned about Dr. Kaufmann’s work was wildly impactful. 

In part, his work is a continuation of the foundation set by Abraham Maslow, who named two distinct dynamics of love: Being-love and Deficit-love. In being-love (or B-realm), we most literally embody the connection that says, “I love you for who you are.” Conversely, in deficit-love (or the D-realm), we embody the connection that says, “I love you for how being loved by you makes me feel.”

You can imagine the consequences of what Maslow nicknamed “needing love” (D-realm) versus the “unneeding love” (B-realm). Being-love feels fuller, more natural, and deeply meaningful. Deficit-love feels self-serving, scarcity-based, and transactional.  

Wouldn’t we all want to love and be loved for who we are?

If this distinction shines unwanted light on relationships you’ve built for the feelings these give you, have no fear. There’s opportunity here. Recreating how you show up in love has unimaginable upside if your love can transcend the role of a transaction of utility found in the D-realm.

10/21/22 WOD


Barbell Glute Bridges

Complete 3 rounds for quality of: 

15 Banded KB Swings(AHAP)
15 Body Saws

Then complete the following for time:

50 Dumbbell Thrusters(50/35)
*Every Break, 5 Burpees*


1 1/4 Front Squats

Complete 3 rounds for quality of:

6 Snatch Grip RDLs
:10 Partner GHR Iso + 8 GHRs
8 Hollow Snaps + 12 Hollow Rocks

Then, complete 8 rounds for time of:

200’ Sled Push (145/125)
-Rest as Needed-

**Students record fasted round score