If Only

I recently had two conversations that felt similar but sounded very different. 

One was with a woman who was discouraged by her inability to get a pull up and her desire to reach that goal because it would MAKE her strong. She could consider herself fit and accomplished if only she could do one. She was reluctant to stay the course of her program because she didn’t want to feel weak. 

The other conversation was with a Coach who I had the honor of learning from. This person is very accomplished in his industry and a phenomenal educator. However, he felt like he just wasn’t there yet. He wanted to deliver a new offering but felt that he would have to have 100K followers on Instagram and a 550 lb Bench Press to be taken seriously.

In both discussions, I challenged the view of the person that I was talking to. They were holding themselves back because they could not see themselves for who they were, great people full of promise and potential. 

I think we can all identify with the internal discomfort they felt…

‘If only X were true I could do this.’

I can. Reflecting on what was said, I began to examine how I was doing this in my own life. I came up with several ways where I hold myself back because of a perceived deficit or a feeling of not being ready. 

One of these is writing. I’ve been hesitant to write both because I felt like I needed some sort of magical invitation to put pen to paper and because I was worried about how my writing would be received. I’ve realized that the act of writing reveals things about myself to me and makes me happy. That, I think, is the only reason to do it. 

The reality is that I’ll never get to where I want to go if I don’t start walking. What’s more, I know that I won’t find joy in the destination if that’s my only focus. I’ve arrived at too many places only to feel hollow when I realize the money isn’t there but has been left on the road. 

Because of our focus on a perceived endpoint, something that only exists in our own head, we lose sight of ourselves and why we are here. We become so focused on what other people think of us that we fear fully leaning into the process – which is where all the growth and fulfillment in life lies.